An Apology to my friends...

As I grow and learn, I find that my attention wanes from people. I have lost many friends due to this waning, though I am sure that I could walk back into their midst (and I have several times) and feel welcomed. However, no matter how many times I do that, I have noticed that I can never go back to these people and exist in the same capacity that I have previously. I find often that we have all moved on, that our lives are not the same, or I feel out of place. I hate the thought that comes that says that perhaps I have outgrown them, or the usefulness of that time and place has been spent. It makes me feel that I have used these people, but like a reunion, these people are strangers who you learn to make small talk with. It is unfortunate.

Many times, especially in my life, these friends have been summarily dropped as I chased after a boy. This happened many times in high school, in college, and even in my Second Life. I would make friends with a group of people, and as soon as one was singled out as "soul mate" material, the rest would become background noise as I focus in on the one voice, the one note that burns my heart.. until it is cast aside, as it inevitably is (and was). Then I look at my old friends and realize that they don't fit anymore because they were "his" friends.

I regret this deeply.

So, I have decided not to do that anymore. I can't begin to make up to my old friends who I have neglected in yet another chase after someone who I thought would be my soul mate again (who ended up being a really good friend instead, so at least I have that). However, I can start looking at myself and figuring out what I need to do to make sure that I maintain stability.

First, I need to not talk about "the boy" constantly. A really great friend said that this made me one dimensional, and I don't want to be one dimensional. I am the most important person in my life, and my friends are important too. I need to learn about them again and take pride in their works.

Second, I need to start taking pride in my own work and my own world! I've started taking classes at NCI to learn things, and I am actually learning! I've learned how to make jewelry and a flag... I'm thinking I may start raising some money... or at least designing some kick ass jewelry.

Third, my life has to be about more than Second Life. I don't live there (though, God, I wish I could sometimes. My house is gorgeous!) I have lesson plans, students, a wonderful, incredibly doting husband and a great many things to do that I can do in my real life. It's time I start focusing there once in a while (not that I'm gonna be there all the time. SL is wonderful!)

Ok.. so.. a few steps... I miss my friends and I want them back badly. It's time for me to become, at least two dimensional. There is life out there, and I'm going to grab it. I hope I get the golden ring.