Temple

Manifest Joy... right?
That all you have to do -
You just continue to be happy,
And everything will fall
Into place and be

Perfect?

What is perfect?
Not this life 
Where every time I move 
I am reminded that 
My body- this temple-
Has a garden that bears no fruit.

I lay fallow.

But there is more to food
Than fruit
And there is more to life than
Love.

As the slippery kisses slide down the steps
In blood
I am reminded
There are bigger dreams
And time is precious.

What little we are allowed
Is sacred.

We wait for the world to set things right
But don't look to our own hands
To build a pathway to the temple
Inviting opportunity.

The gods help those who put in effort
Smiling with pride
That you can change the world.

Deprived

Deep into sleep

Running through REM

Melatonin muddled

You woke me up

You started quiet

Softly speaking of treason

In our bed

Lamenting my lack of compassion

My sleep induced haze

And I drifted in and out

Trying to stay awake

While you bitterly drained bile

On me.

In response, reaching

Out only to slake the surge

Of anger.

I struggled to stay awake.

Until I could no longer take it

And sat up, 

Hoping to stay roused

By becoming defensive.

I looked at the clock again.

10:30 had changed to past midnight.

2 hours had passed.

I tried to speak through accusations

20 years throw in my face, 

Though only ten of them are yours

But all betrayal

Must be accounted for.

Tried to speak, but shut out

For the phrase “let me finish”

And all to do is wait.

1:30 ticks by, but we didn't notice.

My responses must have seemed unreasonable

Because by two, you were hissing hate

Telling me that I’m worthless,

That I deserve the pain

Of a broken heart.

Overcome, I bolted to the bathroom,

And locked the door against the blast

Of bad behavior.

Barriers abate the hate

And you calmed, asking of safety

Knowing of the silent scars

That bear witness on my arms

Of past pain

You demanded to see wrist and thigh

When the door was opened.

My sister was right– I should have slept

Back pressed to door

Towels for pillows.

Instead, at three

I slinked back to bed.

Too exhausted to argue again.