Temple

Manifest Joy... right?
That all you have to do -
You just continue to be happy,
And everything will fall
Into place and be

Perfect?

What is perfect?
Not this life 
Where every time I move 
I am reminded that 
My body- this temple-
Has a garden that bears no fruit.

I lay fallow.

But there is more to food
Than fruit
And there is more to life than
Love.

As the slippery kisses slide down the steps
In blood
I am reminded
There are bigger dreams
And time is precious.

What little we are allowed
Is sacred.

We wait for the world to set things right
But don't look to our own hands
To build a pathway to the temple
Inviting opportunity.

The gods help those who put in effort
Smiling with pride
That you can change the world.

Deprived

Deep into sleep

Running through REM

Melatonin muddled

You woke me up

You started quiet

Softly speaking of treason

In our bed

Lamenting my lack of compassion

My sleep induced haze

And I drifted in and out

Trying to stay awake

While you bitterly drained bile

On me.

In response, reaching

Out only to slake the surge

Of anger.

I struggled to stay awake.

Until I could no longer take it

And sat up, 

Hoping to stay roused

By becoming defensive.

I looked at the clock again.

10:30 had changed to past midnight.

2 hours had passed.

I tried to speak through accusations

20 years throw in my face, 

Though only ten of them are yours

But all betrayal

Must be accounted for.

Tried to speak, but shut out

For the phrase “let me finish”

And all to do is wait.

1:30 ticks by, but we didn't notice.

My responses must have seemed unreasonable

Because by two, you were hissing hate

Telling me that I’m worthless,

That I deserve the pain

Of a broken heart.

Overcome, I bolted to the bathroom,

And locked the door against the blast

Of bad behavior.

Barriers abate the hate

And you calmed, asking of safety

Knowing of the silent scars

That bear witness on my arms

Of past pain

You demanded to see wrist and thigh

When the door was opened.

My sister was right– I should have slept

Back pressed to door

Towels for pillows.

Instead, at three

I slinked back to bed.

Too exhausted to argue again.

Untitled Poem 9/12

 I never
expect

you.

You just drip
into my life
like sweet summer
rain,

flood my senses

until all is full of

you,

And when you are gone
I crave you.

Throuple

 Prince: Will you have me lady?
Beatrice: No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days. 
Your Grace is too costly to wear every day.

(Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing II.i.319-323)

And they lived happily ever after- 

But is "they" always two?

Can three live as well as two

Or does jealousy seep through

A crack created when she smiles

In a different way

Than she smiles at you?

Or you share a kind of connection

That has his eyes blaze

With uncertainty.

Equal Night

 Equal Night

No lamb or lions for this
The celebration of equal delights
Autumn tiptoes in
On black cat's rumbling purrs
Dividing day and night

With a scratch and a scream.

The season of comfort: 
Flannel sheets and pumpkin pies
Brings us closer to thoughts
Of our own final harvests
Pulling the veil back.

Preceded by pleasure,
Sinking down to sweet earth
Sipping the stars by moonlight,
We become drunk on promises.

Flannel

Slide so sweetly between

the soft shell of sheets.

Another night of dreams awaits.

This favorite fabric is fine.

A feeling of freedom found,

no longer bound

by the restraint of reality.

Carried back on waves of wistfulness

Folded in flannel

Pressed around me

the protection of pure love.

Flannel was my fortune -

And my downfall.

Wrapped in a world, 

dreaming of blissful delights.

Now it reminds of

winter afternoons

wrapped in a safe world.

sheltered by you.

This is just to say

This is just to say

that I have lit

the oak moss and amber candle

which you seem to hate.

It is not that

I want to keep you out of

my room.

It's just that I like the smell.

Time to myself

Is a bonus.

Imaginings

 I've been spending some time lately imagining a world of what ifs.

For instance-

What if he met my husband?

What if I ran in to him locally?

What if he ran in to my sister?

What if I answer that email?

(yes, I saw it)

All of these scenarios play

Prancing through my head

Dancing through my thoughts.

Making me think about

something that will (probably) never happen.

But damn, they make great inspiration.

Thanks!

Desire (A Poem)

 Drawn to darkness

Toeing the line

Between

Good

and

Evil

The wholesome interested you

With its wheat bran

and the touch of sweetness,

but the dark desire beckoned

And you--

Wanting what wasn't yours-- 

dipped just the tip

lost control

and drowned in decadence.